This is definitely going to be a rambling post
I have nothing to write
I feel so completely empty of thoughts at the moment
Empty of feelings too
Do you ever have those days?
When you just don't really care about anything?
When you're not yourself at all?
Normally music can cheer me up
But some days I can't even stand to hear it
I think it's the repetition of life that puts me in this mood
I hate when I'm hanging out with someone on these days
I feel like I'm letting them down
I'm not really in the mood for conversation

In a normal week I have a few days to myself
Lately I spend them in the basement messing around with stained glass
But these past few weeks I've been busy
I don't like those kind of weeks
Even though I'm busy because I'm with friends
I hate when I don't have at least one day of creativity
I hate when I don't have time to be alone
I guess I can blame it on being an only child
Most people with siblings don't understand when I want to be alone
They take it personally

I think everyone needs time alone though
It's in that time that I've grown the most
It's kind of like a debriefing
A time to reflect and organize my thoughts
I don't actively reflect and organize
I just focus my attention on something
All my attention
On art
Until everything else fades
That's when a sort of inner dialogue begins
It's feels so natural that my mind can't help but wander
And every time it wanders it can't help but go deeper
And it's in those moments when I can really find myself


Patty said...

We all have days when we can't think of anytime to write or say. That's when a camera comes in handy. A picture is worth a thousand words!

Bill Doetzer said...

Being alone with your thoughts is important. Just as it is important to be able to concentrate on other tasks, having time alone to concentrate on ones self is very important.

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