I believe, at this moment,      
   There is so much on my mind;     
      That there is nothing on my mind.

    
Last Sunday my dad wanted me to fly
Don’t ask me why I got a present for Father’s day
I tried to convince him that he should be the one in the driver’s seat
But he insisted

I’d never been in a plane before
(Could I feel more sheltered and naive right now?)

It was a small plane,
Able to tightly squeeze four people
It was just three of us though

When we first arrived at the airport, just over the Bay Bridge,
The secretary, probably 20, was sitting there watching Home Alone 2
And informed us that our instructor was on his way
My dad said he was sorry to steal him from his family on Father’s Day
The secretary said it was fine, that he didn’t have kids
(That should have tipped my dad off)

We spent the next ten minutes or so talking with a young pilot
Who was filling out some log books
We had been talking about how I hoped to skydive sometime this summer
And he told us he used to fly the planes for
The skydiving company in Ocean City that I’ll be jumping  with 
(He first got into flying because of his neighbor who flies the
Plane with advertisements flapping behind it along the beach)

A few minutes later our instructor, Matt, walked in
I had picked up on it but my dad was in obvious shock
He gave a short nervous laugh and asked how old Matt was
The secretary laughed and said he was 22
I honestly think my dad second guessed going up with him

After getting situated in our seats, Matt started the plane
We sat at the end of the runway for a couple minutes,
Letting the engine warm up, and talking into our headphones
(Which I have to admit was pretty fun… “over and out”)

Looking out the window as we lifted off the runway was a bit surreal
I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when the moment actually happened
I knew I wouldn’t be nervous
But as the ground grew farther and farther away
My silence must have translated into fear
And Matt’s voice chuckled into my headphones
That he thought I was nervous
I tried to tell him otherwise but I don’t think I convinced him
I was too excited to care
    My dad told me later that he knew I wasn’t

The whole thing felt like a dream
It’s like I have memories of something,
But was never there to experience it

The main thought floating through my mind the entire time
Was how strong my urge was to open my door and jump
…(While wearing a parachute)
It just seemed so safe and easy
Of course that’s not the case but try and tell flying Casey that

We got to fly over my Grandparent’s house
And we even followed the outside of the ‘no fly zone’ around the city
Close enough to see our house

One of my favorite parts of the ride, aside from actually flying the plane,
Was listening to the radio
Hearing different airlines and airports talking back and forth as friends
And being a part of that interaction was thrilling

I have to admit that I wished I was a bit taller
Trying to fly while being 5’3” feels more like a 3 yr. old trying to drive a car 
At some points it was nearly impossible to see over the dash
I slid my seat all the way up and I still could barely reach the pedals
While trying to taxi after we had landed

As we were getting in position to land, my dad said
He was sorry he ever doubted Matt
Matt laughed and said we were lucky we didn’t
Get some of the 17 or 18 yr. olds that worked for them

I want to go back

 

  Do you ever look at old photos of people you once considered friends and realize you never knew them? Sometimes people don’t want to open themselves up, but I wish I had encouraged them to try. I wish I had tried.

  Sometimes I wonder if the majority of couples love each other due to their own inner fantasies or expectations of their “better half”; instead of the reality of their relationship

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby.
But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

 

 

P.S. “That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.”
I’ve always loved the subtle exchange of the word “people” over toys... Deep right?

Some friends and I went to the zoo in DC today. While I was in the restroom, I couldn’t help but hear a grandmother talking to her grandson in the stall next to mine…
“You’re not going to pee your pants are you? You better not pee your pants. You better not embarrass me. Don’t embarrass Grandma by peeing your pants. I’ll spank you if you embarrass me.”
Are you kidding me!? I’ve never been more tempted to punch a grandmother; okay that’s the first time I’ve ever wanted to punch a grandmother. Seriously? Who says that!? Embarrass you? He was like two years old!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lately I’ve been reading a book called, ‘Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You’’, by Sam Gosling, Ph.D. Last night I finished a chapter in which Gosling writes about a study done between strangers and what it takes to bring them together; what it takes to make them friends; where the line between small talk in a subway car ends and a friendship begins. In this study, psychologist Arthur Aron places two strangers in a room for an hour; they are given 36 questions. One person reads a question and they both answer. The questions are created to quickly jump to intimacy levels that would typically take weeks, months, or years to form. If we were asked to describe an acquaintance we would usually describe them with traits, such as friendly, lazy, helpful, easygoing, honest, happy, moody, selfish, or shy. To describe a friend is not as easy. Mere adjectives cannot capture the personalities we are so close to. The personalities we have come to love deserve more than adjectives. Enough rambling though; I’m getting a bit sidetracked.

Today, on my way to the post office, I saw a grandfather carrying his grandson, who must have been about 2 years old, on his shoulders. I saw him stop, drop to all fours, and let his grandson hop off. I thought it seemed like an odd way of letting him down but I didn’t think anything more of it. As I drove by, the grandfather curled into a fetal like position. Stopped at the red light, I waited for him to stand up from the sidewalk and continue on, but he just stayed, curled up, as his grandson watched him rock back and forth. The light turned green and I immediately felt that something was wrong, he looked like he was in obvious pain. I drove through the intersection and made a U-turn. As I turned back onto the street where they had been I saw that they were up and walking again. I still don’t know what happened but in that split second these two people went from strangers to people I felt close to. They didn’t feel close to me, they probably didn’t even notice me, but I was worried about them, just as I would be worried about a friend in the same situation. What is it about certain emotions that bring us together? I first saw them walking and felt happy seeing them together, of course that made me feel closer to them but it was only until I felt fear that my level of intimacy for them skyrocketed. What is it about fear or even sadness or embarrassment that makes friends? Is it the fact of banding together to help one another? Is it our response of letting our guard down in order to reach out for safety? Like reaching for your neighbor’s arm while watching a horror film? Happiness leaves room for walls to stay erect; our need to feel safe orders a demolition of them.

When I got home this morning
My street was blocked by two police cars
Then, a few hours later, by a fire truck and ambulance
I had to park a block over and walk home
I didn’t see it as an inconvenience at the time but I wasn’t exactly thrilled
I guess you could say I’m thankful now though

It had started getting dark and my street was finally cleared
So I decided to move my car back in front of my house
But first I had to go to the post office
Had my street been clear when I first got home
I would have taken my usual route
But seeing as I was on another block I went a different way

It was as if I had driven into another dimension
It’s amazing how different something seems
By just driving the opposite direction
Where was I?
I didn’t know this city
I thought it looked beautiful though
A place I’d like to live
Sure I like my neighborhood
I love it
But it’s the kind of love that no matter how eternally deep 
It has lost it’s shine, it’s sparkle, it’s excitement, it’s butterflies

I love those moments when you see something differently
It’s like you’re seeing it for the first time
And, if only for a second, it gets it’s shine back
I love those moments when you see people differently too
When they show you a side of them you’d never expect
It’s like they remove a mask
And you see them as a new person
And you have a deeper respect and love for them
When you’re that much closer to loving every inch of them
Isn’t that what everyone wants?
Be it romantic or not
To love someone for every inch of who they are?
Whether it be shocking
Beautiful
Unpleasant
Awkward
Innocent
Guilty
Happy
Depressing
Peaceful or
Embarrassing
And for someone to love us just the same?

So, I went to Preakness yesterday. My dad is a carpenter for the Maryland Jockey Club so he gets free infield tickets. Honestly, the fact that they didn’t let people bring in their own alcohol this year kind of ruined the whole thing. I don’t drink so that wasn’t really the issue, it was just that no one showed up… well, compared to previous years. It was kind of a let down. Hopefully next year will be better. God knows Pimlico needs the business. I’d rather be in the stands though. Yeah I’d have to rub elbows with some raised pinky fingers, but I can deal with that if it means I get to be in the middle of a roaring crowd during the race. All in all it wasn’t so bad, Rumi and I decided that next time we’re going to be dressed up in the stands though.

Friday was an exciting day. Here’s the short version of what went down… There were more than 20 police officers and SWAT team members at my house and our rental house next door, with their shields and guns pointed at every window, inching their way up to the rental house door. They knocked down the door and ran in screaming. Apparently the whole time this was going on they had people on the roof of a Best Western a block away with binoculars checking the place out. After they raided the place and realized nothing was wrong they checked my house. They informed me that someone had reported a hostage situation. It seems that my dad found my mom in bed with another man and threatened to kill them both at gun point. That's extra weird since they were both at work when this happened. So once they realized my parents weren’t home they thought I was the hostage wife. “Uh, not that I know of?” 
                                                                                                

           The ‘Condom Dress’ * 
                                                  Always prepared

                             *Perfect for prom

“Looking back I have this to regret, 
                 that too often when I loved, I did not say so.”
                                                                                               – Ray Stannard Baker

It’s official

The accordion is mi favorito

Oh Cleopatra, I can’t get you out of my head…

Welcome to my new home…
Located in Vinton, Iowa, the Iowa Braille & Sight Saving School was founded in 1852 and is Iowa's second oldest education institution. Students from all over Iowa are housed and educated there and must be legally blind to attend. Their most famous student, Mary Ingalls, graduated in 1889. After a threat to close the institution, Iowa Senator Tom Harkin fought to designate the school as the site for Iowa’s only AmeriCorps NCCC facility. Vinton is currently home to 5,102 people.

I’M IN? Really!?

…And that’s all I have to say about that right now
I guess I’ll write more once this sinks in

“I am blessed to have been given the chance to live to my fullest potential. To have been given the ability to break free of boundaries and laugh creatively. To have been given the opportunity to be myself, with every mistake and every flaw, and to be accepted as I truly am.”

                                                                                           (Spring 1997; 3rd grade)

Teach yourself to love without prejudices.
Respect and integrity should come from within
                    Before we demand it from those around us.

To someone I love…

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, & it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
- Marilyn Monroe

There is nothing more powerful than confidence. Love your body for everything that it is, and is not, because at the end of the day it's your personality that we’ll fall in love with.

I couldn’t possibly begin to explain
How much I love and appreciate our
Weird
Deep
Funny
Cute
Loud
Sad
Awkward  
Conversations over pancakes

Thanks for being a part of the greatest moments of my life

I think sometimes you have to decide what you can live with
What you can live with and not tell someone
What could damage your relationship with someone
What could hurt someone
What you should just let go
Even if they’d want you to tell them
Or maybe, even if they think they’d want you to tell them

**Disclaimer: Unless it would cause more damage to you, someone else, or your relationship with someone else by not telling them**

You know that person
Who tells you certain details about their personal life
Because they think it’ll make them look better?
I wish they’d realize it only makes them look like an ass

What are you trying to prove?
Stop overcompensating
We like you the way you are

Common courtesy doesn’t seem to be very common.